Please, spare me the texts of how good things are going right now for you. Hearing it at this moment isn't helping at all.
And no, I still don't want anyone's help.
Nor do I want hinderance.
I want to start working on something new, soon.
Just waiting for that spark to come along.
I'm sure I'm taking my body for granted right now. I've been treating it like shit.
I want to apologize to it, all the late nights, all the fried foods, the lack of water...
But we're not done yet. I'm sure it understands why I do what I do.
Maybe I'm not the best.
But, hardly decent? JUST functioning? That's a tough pill to swallow.
Saying "I did my best" was never a fond phrase for me.
I don't know what my best is.
Each time you try something, you should surprise yourself.
Even in failure, learn how you how there and why.
I'm much more comfortable with that fact that I suck at everything.
OR...I'm cheated out of it.
Everything I do, I beat myself up over it.
Nothing is phenomenal or special.
Average or below.
But I've grown to become comfortable with it...Sorta.
To think this all started with pool...
The disconnection with myself, and nature.
It's all pretty unsettling.
Guess I'll go for a walk.
Maybe I'll think of something tonight and see how tomorrow goes.
What harm could that do?