I'm not even entirely sure what I'm doing.
Didn't make any music today(I'm speaking for yesterday but since I didn't go to sleep yet...well, you get it)
Lack of sleep is what gives birth to me.
The me that I know best, the one that's capable of doing anything.
Perfectly healthy me, with exceptional sleep...Not so much.
Not too much of a critical thinker, but I am more content in that state.
My ability to make dance music is definitely more apparent and easier to access in that state.
Also, I tend to have more of a libido. So I assume that that's also a plus.
This brings the thought of intelligence vs happiness into play, but I've talked about that enough times.
The lack of sleep makes reality dawn upon me.
Aside from the love that I've been getting from the music that I've been putting out, the entire situation that I'm in right now is pretty depressing.
I actually had to sit down and let rivers flow for a few minutes within my own silence.
Why I continue to go on in every day life, I'm really not sure. My desire to be a part of this world is almost non existent at this point.
I'm not even entirely sure why I continue to make music.
Maybe just to look like I'm doing something productive that I enjoy so people will get off of my back.
It seems to make people pretty happy.
But, of course if there's no income from doing what you do, no one respects it. In fact, they think it's a waste of time.
If I have to work a 9-5, or any typical job of the sort... for an extended period of time with no sign of change,
I swear this physical body will drop to the ground to never be walked in again, at least not by me.
That's not the life that I want to live.
If I have to be forced to be like and do what everyone else does to be accepted, or to be "normal", I don't want to be a part of it.
You can pretty much say that the reason I'm still here is due to the time that has been invested in me by particular individuals that I'm close to.
The amount of time that they've seemingly put into my life is love. It's not measurable.
So I try to at least keep myself from doing anything too drastic until one day, that disappear out of the picture.
And then, I suppose I can do what I wish without feeling any sort of guilt before doing it.
I do love music.
I just don't want to argue anymore.
A few days ago I was talking to my mom.
I just so happened to be fiddling around with a paper towel.
Somehow l, I managed a make a noose and a body out of it.
Surprised, I felt it was a little too weird to be a coincidence.
Perhaps I prophesied my own end.
I still have it hanging on my door, I don't even think anyone else has seen it yet.
No reason to be upset.
What will happen, will happen.
What won't happen, won't happen.
On the other side of things, I did tap into a very interesting part of my conscienceness earlier.
I spoke to it, or myself.
And whatever it was, showed me a new way to distribute music.
(I'm really not in the right state to be promoting right now...I'm just skipping this moment...hopefully this doesn't come back to bite me)
We'll see how that goes.