It's been long enough.

This was actually supposed to be included with my project release

(Playing Goalie)

Well, at least most of it.

Attached to each song...But...Things didn't go as planned.

Anyway, this is the story of my last situation. Last as in, most recent.

I know 2 people that are going to read this, and it includes both of you.

Anyone else, you are very welcome to read along as well. I kinda want you to.
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Shameless
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Remember the girl I wrote about last year? Includes her also, to an extent.

Her name will be Jasmine, due to her nickname to me, being Huey.

Number 2...I met her along the lines of Jasmine, somewhat afterwards. Her name will be YG(Young Grasshopper)

And...

Number 3 shouldn't be mentioned as much, due to lack of background...But her name will be...Money.

(If you don't know the story of Jasmine... Click here )
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I met YG during my last year of school. Didn't actually make an attempt to talk to her until the time around it ended though.

Things were going pretty well, leading to the end of 2012. Although the constant stories of her messing around with other guys and lying to my face got old, we had a few rough patches that we were eventually able to iron out.

(This is after I spoke my soul away during the summer)

I legit liked her, although being with her wasn't my only intention.

It was also sex, I just wanted to see what it was like.

She was more than willing to let me do it, even only after knowing her for a few weeks at the most.

She's a virgin, so am I...It's perfect.

The way her body would shake in uncertainty of where my hands would wander to was amazing, I could tell that she was the real deal.

Time and time again, failed sex attempts prevailed and fueled my sadness.

Twasn't her fault. During the time (From 9th grade until after graduation) I was severely suffering from ED.

Erectile Dysfunction.

It got to the point where I was using cock rings.

So, you can use your imagination.

I would usually keep making up excuses, until one day, there was no excuse.
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Time goes by, we're still together. I trust her and everything.

She never made a big deal about it, which was good, but at the same time...I knew something was up.

A girl this easy, not making even the slightest deal of what's going on...? One answer.

There's another/more nigga/s

(One being a guy who she was d1ck riding for the longest time...Unknowingly that her number in his phone was under "ignore"...I'm sure that she still doesn't know that to this day...It's sad really)

December comes...And my suspicions were correct.

A friend told me that she lost her virginity to some guy (he lost his to her too) who I've actually known for quite some time...(Who then spread rumors about her being a whore, called her all types of names...etc...)

I actually didn't find out until 2 weeks afterwards.

Being the nice guy...Once again...backfired into my face. After I promised myself that I wouldn't be THAT guy anymore.

Like, the ONE guy who treats you with respect and you cheat on him? Literally...The ONE guy out of the last 15 that you've talked to?


AH! And sucked him off, and kissed me a few days afterwards.

When I questioned her, of course she lied to my face about it.

I was emotionally crippled.

The thought of another man, being inside of something that you thought you had some sort of authority over, is sickening. I was literally disgusted with her.

But eventually, the truth came out.

We break up, and end up getting back together.

This is where things get dark. I was hurt.

With something so out of my control (ED) And for you to go cheat on me the way you did...

Only sent me spiraling into a deeper sadness. Only this time, it was malicious.

I literally wanted to end her happiness. And anything that could possibly make her happy.

Apologies only mean so much. After the 10th apology, you begin to question the authenticity of such.

So, I make up my mind and I stopped caring.

It was only until afterwards when I had the thought of

"Maybe i should act as if I forgive her so i can have sex with her...and then break up with her"

I thought it was too late, but a few days later, she texts my phone, i meet her at her house, and we "make-up".

From then on, I had no respect for our relationship, or for her. Trust was ripped apart and I was STILL hearing her "whore stories".

But, I had to suck it up so I could make her pay her dues.
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I found myself talking to Jasmine again, and I see her here and there.

We'd kiss and flirt (Yes I was in a "relationship") But i'd never take it any further than that.

I even let her know of my plans of what to do with YG.

Not saying I was right, I know I was wrong.

But who cares, she cheated on me and lied to my face about it, she had her fun at my expense, so I want mine...I cared as much as she said she did. There was no longer any boundaries

I wasn't using Jasmine just as someone to do things with while I was still upset with YG...

I legit had feelings for her too. So i found myself balancing them both.

(Note: I actually am a faithful being. I just believe in equality. Whatever you do to me, i'll do to you.)
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Eventually, I end up losing my virginity to YG. This is not how I had imagined it, at all. I was still hurt.

"I love 'em I leave 'em I fuck 'em
I treat 'em like dirt I treat 'em like queens
Its my way of balancing things seeing how no good n*ggas get treated like kings
Since nice guys finish last
It feels good to finally get some ass..."

- Johnny Polygon, F*cking Awesome

Anyway, what I wanted to do was accomplished...But I wasn't satisfied.

I still wasn't satisfied with my performance. I wanted to f*ck her with all that I had, or at least half of it...

But in a very, angry way.

Time passes, feelings are growing back and we're still having sex.

She actually helped me overcome my ED.

It still happens here and there, but it's nothing that a hand job or two won't solve. Maybe 3.

So, thanks for that.

Although, I still find that I can't seem to "ejaculate" during sex.

The only drawback is, it's always an awkward ending...Especially after going for 2 hours.

Like, when do you stop?...Better than being a minute man, I suppose.

Ne-way
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One day, I see Jasmine, and I attempt to take her virginity.

Things were going alright until she started crying and I wasn't even half way in.

So, that blew me. And I didn't count it as taking a "v-card".

But it did annoy me to an extent.

However, time goes by and Jasmine eventually walks out of my life.

I admit to her that I was actually "talking" to YG, and she literally walked away from me.

She tried to talk to me afterwards, I just told her I was done responding to her. Didn't even respond to her paragraph that she sent me.

Imagine, If I lied to her face about it...I could have possibly took her virginity right there...

The good guy in me just doesn't seem to go away, he's still in there somewhere.
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Days, months, weeks pass...I start talking to "Money"

We really did nothing but chill and spend my money. Maybe a kiss here or there...

And we didn't have a connection, at all. Either way, I wasn't with that.

I probably could have acted like things were okay...but it wasn't worth it.

She didn't like my trust issues anyway...Can you blame me?

Time, months, weeks pass...And one day of amazing sex with YG.

Soon afterwards...We break up. (*sigh*...July)

Not due to me finally doing what I wanted to do, but...due to more of the "whore stories" still coming my way, and my trust issues.

I was sick of it, considering that I started to love her again.

So with YG, Jasmine, And Money...all gone.

I find myself retreating back to my old, emotionless ways.

Being like that tends to be what girls go for anyway, ya know...the type that doesn't care about you

(which i JUST so happened to ask for just a few days before falling out with YG)
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So, I guess in the end, I got exactly what I asked for.

I can be mad, sad, happy...Or whichever.

But at this point, I just want to enjoy what this earth has to offer.

I wouldn't mind giving it another shot with either of these beings (2/3) in an actual functioning, healthy, faithful  relationship.

Or with ANY female.

It would just need...certain guidelines.



If that's not too much to ask for.



Who knows, maybe this isn't the end.



Heaven only knows, right?



Physically, or figuratively.



Or do i just like the song...



Love.



"...It's only the truth"