The Time.

Maybe I don't realize the consequences of my actions, or I really just don't care.

Honestly not sure which one it is.

What's to lose? Plenty. That I care about? Plenty. But humans piss me off by being humans.

Which is something that I really shouldn't even care about. I've been molded by others actions. If you want to complain then blame yourself.

*looks to contact list in my phone*

16 numbers, not including family.

5 of those being girls.

2 of which ive actually held a genuine conversation with within the last month or more. 2 males.

I shouldn't have to prove a point anymore. And I don't care enough to try.

Why haven't I cleared out more space?

I think the amount of problems that I don't cause just annoys people. Like I'm expected to fuck around and be a dick

So, I give people exactly what they want when I'm doubted.

This does not apply to any and every context.

Walking around...I tried to just let go. I legit tried while walking.

Tears just wouldn't come out. Even when I got home. I want to all the time, for no reason.

Having dry eyes feels like my body is trying to force me into doing it.

Ill try to specify a date. Just to see the results.

Just makes me wonder, what's going to be the shot that hits home and I get the urge to do it. It'll more than likely be something family related. But not a death.

*lays down*

But life goes on for most of you.

Maybe being a human isn't such a bad thing after all.

Suppose it's time to start getting more sleep. Clearing my mind is essential. I can't seem to focus on much or even more than one thing at one time. And it's interfering with everything. Not saying sleep is the culprit, but I'm willing to try anything.

One thing I am proud of is my ability to cloud out certain thoughts. Literally having to fight and force myself passed things or keep telling myself one thought until I accept it.

This time, I'm serious. No more mature videos by myself. Ever.

I'm done with the thoughts, the fantasies, the thirst...etc.

I always break promises to myself, this one I'm keeping.

I don't feel the love right now. Maybe my expectations of such are too high.

Guess I'm just rambling on. Why take it so seriously

I'm not prepared to lose it all, but I will if...