The world feels dead right now. And no not because it is/is about to be winter. It's never felt like this. Tell me I'm not the only one who feels the difference.

Guess lately I've been a little off to say the least.

Like I'm REALLY missing something.

I think it's the social deprivation and boredom.

Just don't feel as sharp, and memories from school are digging at me. And lust...oh deadly lust from the could-have-beens. But obviously It's REALLY not worth dropping this-right-now.

I know when I have something good.

Think I just want to be back in the public eye for whatever reason. Its like I'm missing something major.

Been really tired for no apparent reason for the passed few weeks, but can't seem to sleep for more than 5hrs each night. So that kinda sucks.

Anyway, apparently my dad has cancer...AGAIN.

He actually told me maybe...2 weeks ago.

Just wasn't really on my mind until now

Yeah, can't remember if I said it already but he's already had it before.

You can just see it in his eyes, his loss of hope.

I never was a big family person. Even close family. Not sure why but I never felt as if I connected with much of them.

Shame to say things still feel awkward between me and him.

Any attempt I think of making just doesn't sit right with me, like we're ALMOST 2 totally different personalities.

I almost feel as if, the way I feel for my father is the way most people feel about me. There's the one big similarity.

Which explains why

Never experiencing a close death and its been 18 summers. Good and bad thing.

Mostly bad at this point.

I've finally become bored with this room/the current. Who would have known? Guess it's around that time to get bust.

Think ill try to enjoy myself for a bit first. It's time to step out of the house...next few days I suppose.

Just want to take a walk and have some laughs.

Maybe ill try to work on this blog a bit...If I do, IF I do. no drastic changes.