Sirius. Hola.

                 

I didn't feel like moving.

It came to a point where I felt like my life was a big waste of time and I was steps way behind most people I know.

Delusional.

Whereas my paranoia started to get the best of me

The reoccurring questions when people talk to me

"What have you been up to? Do you have a job? What are you going to do with your life?"

No matter how many times I give actual responses to these kinds of questions

Still, it did chip away from me piece by piece.

Slowly losing my peace of mind day by day

I needed a break from everything, social networks, people, computer, me.

Was becoming too wrapped up into what people want me to be, what they expect me to be. And began molding myself into it. Drained, tired.

Who would have known that the same mouth saying to NOT do that, was the last one to abide by it.

Would have never made it out of the hospital if this didn't occur. I say that with no doubts.

Medicine isn't my thing. At least not the regular.

Some time to reevaluate myself and my thoughts. Reading, relaxing, meditation.

And am working to get that back, but it takes time.

Killing me to not check any of the notifications, but I promised myself I wouldn't.

Going from posting everyday, to none for three days...Everything needs a break.

But, I've been getting sleep. The marks under my eyes don't seem to leave(which i asked for), but at least I feel better.

Unless it was educational in a way, i didn't click on it. If i turned on my t.v, national geographic/wild.

  Back on track.

Tried listening to my mother as of late. Turns out we were more on the same page than I thought we were.

Besides, don't want her to have constant disputes on her mind before she leaves for a bit.

So, for her "until we meet again" on a good note.

I'm 85% sure that my parents think I'm a loser. Before and after this. But more, during.

Never cared when anyone else thought I was(until recently), to the point that now I embrace it.

I guess the family shot just caught me off guard a bit.

Emotions should be a thing of the past.
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For whatever reason, I've been listening to this.






Allegedly(10/22/12)


I had to die for three days, you know i'd never leave for good.

*saves*


(10/24/12)
5am


Was supposed to be staying away from this. But eh, it's not connected to the Internet so I guess it's cool.

That's mostly what the 23rd was for. Strictly.

"Go tell..."

Just gave my last "hola" to my mom.

Didn't think it'd feel this weird, but it's cool.

Yo, Melvin Burch - Happy 19th Birthday is dope.

I'm a little buzzed too, so the theme of this tape flows nicely.

My cat keeps looking at me weird. Please don't blow me.
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I just feel like sleeping this entire day away. Talking to people was something I became accustomed to.

Having connections and not having them really have their pros and cons.

If you're not, you don't have to worry about losing them or going through any drama including them.

On the downside, it's lonely.

If you are...well you see where I'm going with this.

These two posts in a row aren't even gonna make sense. Well right now they don't seem like it.

The image across from me looks like a goat.
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There are more things I want to say... But

(10/25...or26/12)

It'll make sense.

To me at least.